I Can't Keep Doing This
by FiftyLegends
Summary: Hanna is lost. Students at school can't tell but a particular brunette named Emily can. Emily has been there since day one, in more ways than most think. Their relationship is blurred and they can't do anything more until Hanna figures it out.


"What are we doing?" She asked. They laid there facing each other. The light from the TV illuminated the room. The only sounds that could be heard were the sounds of light breathing.

Hanna froze. She didn't know how to respond to the question. Hanna leaned in and kissed her. Emily couldn't resist, Hanna was her kryptonite. Hanna pulled back and looked into Emily's brown eyes. Emily furrowed her eyebrows trying to understand the blonde. Hanna leaned in again.

Emily stopped trying to understand and focused on Hanna. Being with her was pure ecstasy. The first time was when Hanna asked Emily to kiss her.

_"Hanna what are you looking at?" Emily looked up from her biology textbook to see Hanna focused on something else. Hanna sat on her bed with her own text book. _

_"You." _

_"Why? Do I have something on my face?" Emily tucked the hair on her right side back and started to wipe her face. _

_"It's nothing."_

_"Then why are you looking at me?"_

_"Because I've been wondering something, Em.."_

_"What is it?" _

_"Kiss me." Hanna looked into Emily's eyes as they exchanged words. Emily couldn't tell if she was kidding or not so she went back to her book._

_"Em.."_

_"Are we studying or not? The quiz is this week." Emily turned the page and sighed. _

_"Em." Hanna said her nickname louder and bolder to gain Emily's attention. Emily looked towards Hanna. Hanna stood up from her bed and walked to the makeshift bed that Emily stayed on while her mother was in Texas. Hanna kept eye contact with Emily the whole way across the room. _

_Emily couldn't register what was happening or what was going to happen. Hanna placed her hands on the side of Emily's head and placed her lips on Emily's. When Hanna pulled back Emily spoke. _

_"Why now?"_

_"I don't know," Hanna replied while straddling Emily, knocking the textbook out of her hands onto the floor. Emily let Hanna kiss her as much as she wanted to that night. She wasn't completely sure what was going to come from that night, but she wanted it. _

Emily was brought back to reality when she felt kisses trailing down her neck. Emily loved when Hanna took control. Emily let out a low moan. Hanna slowly moved her hands up and down Emily's torso. It seemed like Hanna wanted to push things farther that night.

Emily's mind was all over the place. They'd never slept together sexually. Emily thought more and more even though her body was ready. Emily put her hand over Hanna's that was resting on her thigh to stop her. Hanna looked up to Emily.

"Too soon?"

"No."

"If you're not ready then just tell me."

"It's not that, Han." Hanna rolls off of Emily and lies next to her.

"Okay.."

"You're dating Caleb."

"So?"

"We can't keep doing this Hanna. It's wrong."

"He doesn't know."

"That's worse. You're cheating. As much as we both keep coming back to whatever this is," Emily points her finger between them. "I can't."

"Emily," Hanna said, grabbing Emily's hand and pulling her back down when she went to grab her things off of the bed.

"No, I can't keep doing it." Emily pulled her hand away from Hanna and got back up. "I used to think it was fine until I realized that real reason behind this. We both know that we only do this whole kissing, cuddling, and couple stuff when something goes wrong in your personal life, for example problems with Caleb."

Hanna watches Emily gather the rest of her things and start to leave. Hanna didn't know what to do. She needed Emily to stay. Hanna was lost without her.

"I love you."

"What?"

"You heard me, Em."

"How come you've never said this until now? Hinted at it? Outside of this room we don't exist as more than friends. As much as I do want to stay, I don't want to be just an object anymore." Emily spoke the truth. Hanna felt terrible for the first time. Emily was right. The time that they spent together like this was a safety net to her. Hanna couldn't reply she was speechless. She just let Emily go.

"Feel free to come and talk to me when once you decide what. No, how you truly feel and what you want from me. I gotta go."

Hanna got out of bed to let Emily out of the house. She watched Emily walk past her and gave a small smile because it was the polite thing to do when someone left the house. Hanna trudged back up the stairs to her room, slammed her door, and fell back in bed. Hanna was frustrated with her life. She didn't want to admit to herself that Emily is the one only who made her feel like she was worth it during bumps in the road. Mentally, emotionally, and physically she was attracted to Emily and only Emily. She just wasn't ready to express it.


End file.
